HSPN: Hair & Sports Programming Network

A girl and her brother, on hair in football*
* Soccer, for our fellow Yanks

Bonus awesome photos: Nemanja Matic heads in the winner against Sporting Lisbon.


(Source: zimbio.com)

Exciting as hell

Rui Faria, 30 July 2014

My brother showed me a list of the twenty-five most exciting players in the Premier League.

Brother: I think Rui is my number one. That guy is exciting as hell. He would blow up at any time.

Never touch me


Brother: Hahaha. He’s the best.

Me: Ha ha, totally. I saw this photo yesterday and was surprised José was still alive after that. I was hoping, though, that he poked Roy so Roy would think it was Lambert and would scream I TOLD YOU NEVER TO TOUCH ME LAMBERT before punching him in the face.

Brother: That’s like that .gif where he throws something and then he hides and it looks like Rui did it.

Me: That’s what he should’ve done yesterday: thrown something at Roy from the home dugout and then pretended Rui did it. Thus: ROY VS. RUI.

On board


@TKCorporateClub tweeted that they were our new shirt sponsor, a tweet that’s been since taken down:


Me: That’s so weird. Don’t we already have an airline sponsor in Delta? Granted, Delta is one of the two worst fucking airlines I’ve ever flown (the other being Air Canada).

Brother: I can’t believe they rejected my HSPN ‘Time to sign Pogba' shirt sponsorship offer.

Me: Yeah, I’m sure they’re regretting that decision right now.

Brother: I offered to renew my Chelsea magazine subscription.

Me: They may not have understood your offer because you didn’t describe it as a ‘Kalas' offer.

Brother: I hope that they don’t put a red logo on the kit. I’m against any red on the kit.

Me: I know. I’ve never liked sponsor names on shirts as a general rule anyway, but the Samsung one was as probably as good as it got, aesthetically speaking: just one color, one word, unfussy design.

Brother: If tomorrow Chelsea says we are signing this deal to get Pogba, I will be on board.

Me: If you say ‘on board,’ they’ll be, like, good synergy!

Whoever signs Pogba has their midfield sorted for a decade or more.

Alessio Tacchinardi, in Corriere dello Sport

Brother: His quote should be: ‘When Chelsea sign Pogba….’
Me: From the newspaper Corriere dei Capelli.

Fantasy team of all Branas

Cesc Fabregas, 27 September 2014

3rd minute:

Brother: Why the hell is Brana the one who is lining up for a free kick and then why is he Cesc's target?

14th minute:

Brother: Seriously, Cesc is always looking for Brana.
Me: Holland needs to show Cesc the place in The Book where it says ‘Your dangerous partner is Costa.’
Brother: I think Cesc has a fantasy team of eleven Branas.
Me: Game: Unable to save formation. Cesc: I SAID SAVE.

Fabregas shoots wide, 31st minute:

Brother: It’s weird that Cesc doesn’t take that shot more. There’s been a few times where he’s been about there and he has just looked for Brana instead.

46th minute:

Me: I swear we had possession there without advancing for like two minutes.
Brother: This is the whole reason why we bought Fabregas: to deal with this shit. Wake up and stop passing to Brana. PICK SOMEONE ELSE UP ON YOUR FANTASY TEAM ASSHOLE.

Fabregas booked, 58th minute:

Me: God damn it, Cesc. Between you and Diego, you’re killing my fantasy game today.
Brother: Cesc: At least you have two players; I have one guy x eleven.
Me: I want to be in a private league with Cesc. Cesc: How are you beating me every week?

Costa scores, 59th minute:

Me: Bet it’s because I complained about fantasy.
Brother: Haha, Rooney just got a red as well.
Me: THANK GOD. I just sold him last night and I was mad that he scored, but this more than makes up for it. Hey, Bertrand scored for Soton! Against QPR! Wow, this is a GREAT fantasy day.
Brother: Cesc: I hate you.
Me: Cesc: I still don’t understand how you were able to pick eleven players.
Brother: If Brana scores, then Cesc gets eleven goals.
Me: Yeah, but I have…well, okay, I have THREE, but…SHUT UP CESC.