HSPN: Hair & Sports Programming Network

A girl and her brother, on hair in football*.
* Soccer, for our fellow Yanks.

Only talking about passing

Andrés Iniesta & Xavi, 22 October 2013

Xavi, to FourFourTwo: When you give that final pass that ends in a goal, you think: ‘Bloody hell, this is fantastic.’

Me: I bet you do, pal.

Brother: I bet the article was originally called ‘An interview with Xavi.’ Then he wouldn’t shut up about passing and they had to change it.

Zlatan is worth it

Andrea Pirlo & Zlatan Ibrahimovic, 8 February 2012

Me: Did you see this story that Pirlo almost came to Chelsea in 2009? I didn’t remember that at all, but I just looked through my e-mail and it looks like we mentioned it. Once.

Brother: Yawn. Call me when we have Zlatan.

Me: (never calls you ever again)

Brother: Zlatan: Zlatan is worth it.

Me: And, thus, Zlatan brought down the house of HSPN.

Holland watch: Swansea

Pre-match:

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Brother: Steve Holland's moment of silence makes him look like the Terminator. Doesn’t blink, doesn’t move, stares straight ahead like he’s got to murder John Connor.

8th minute:

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Me: Ha ha, the camera panned to have Holland in the frame.

39th minute:

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Me: Also, looks like José needs Holland's advice.

51st minute:

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Me: Holland is not impressed, guys. He’s got a bunch of notes clutched in his hand. Is that like Book, Jr.?

64th minute:

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Me: Nice José and Holland chat there.

79th minute:

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Me: Holland congratulates Ba.

90th minute:

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Me: Holland looks a bit grim there. Can’t blame him.

Post-match:

Me: Holland is doing the post-match. Ha ha.

Previous entries: West Ham, Basel, Southampton, Sunderland, Stoke, Steaua Bucharest, Crystal Palace, Arsenal, Swansea, Liverpool, Southampton, Derby County, Hull, Manchester United, Stoke, West Ham, Manchester City, Newcastle, West Bromwich Albion, Manchester City (FA Cup), Everton, Galatasaray, Fulham, Tottenham Hotspur, Aston Villa, Galatasaray, Arsenal, Crystal Palace, PSG, Stoke, PSG

The genius of Angel Rangel

Demba Ba & Ángel Rangel, 13 April 2014

Our favorite Swansea player, hands down.

2nd minute:

Me: YES ÀNGEL RANGEL IS ON THE PITCH.
Brother: How could you not put him on the pitch? I’m sure when you are making the line-up, you are probably singing ‘Àngel Rangel’ to yourself because you can’t forget that name and he just appears in the starting line-up.
Me: Manager: ÀN-GEL RAN-GEL, ÀNGELRANGEL, ÀNGELRANGEL. Then looks down to see that he’s written him down eleven times.

5th minute:

Brother: What is going on with us? We can’t even hold the ball.
Me: Too busy singing ÀN-GEL RAN-GEL to ourselves.

10th minute:

Me: YES LEON BRITTON IS IN, TOO. EYEBROWS.
Brother: If I had Britton, Àngel Rangel, and Bony, my line-up would be set up for the whole season.
Me: No wonder they picked Garry Monk (another good pun name) as player-manager. His work is pretty much already done for him every match.

35th minute:

Me: Dyer: another pun name. Seriously, are Swansea the team with the most pun names? Monk, Dyer, Britton, Bony, Àngel Rangel (not really a pun, but like I’m going to leave him out).
Brother: You were going to leave him out, but you just naturally typed it. That’s the genius of Àngel Rangel.

61st minute:

Brother: NO NOT ÀNGEL RANGEL.
Me: EVERYONE STOP SINGING ÀNGEL RANGEL IS DOWN I REPEAT ÀNGEL RANGEL IS DOWN.

78th minute:

Me: Àngel Rangel standing on the subs line there. You know he was hoping to trick the stadium announcer into thinking he was coming in and then saying his name.

What does JT think?

John Terry & Phil Dowd, 13 April 2014

Me: Just saw a headline on the Guardian: ‘John Terry says he told Phil Dowd to send off Chico Flores in Chelsea win.’ SHUT UP YOU UTTER MORON. KEEP THAT SHIT TO YOURSELF.

Brother: PD: I’m not sure what to do. I wonder what JT thinks.

Me: In JT’s fevered imagination, that’s exactly what referees think. So he considers it his personal business to help them out.

Brother: Except when he goes up there, he just says OIOIOIIIOIOIOIOIIOIOI.

Me: Lamps would’ve translated that for him, but he wasn’t playing, so they had to get Cahill to do it.

Dowd: What’d he say?
Cahill: (shrugs) Look, if he’d said OJOJOJJJOJOJOJOJJOJOJ, I could’ve helped you.

Bonus awesome photo: Demba Ba celebrates scoring the only goal in the match against Swansea.

Me: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Finally.
Brother: THAT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF THAT THROW IN [from Azpilicueta].

(Source: zimbio.com)